Everyone stared at my peculiar brother at my party. Unlike the fashionable professionals, Lorne was wearing bib overalls and had a bowl haircut that the neighbor had given him. He chewed a piece of (imported) straw and looked somewhat menacing?but he’s my brother, right?Every half hour or so, Lorne would tap my shoulder and point to the bedroom, and I’d have to go in, and give him a blowjob, before refreshing my lipstick and going back out into the event. At one point, Lorne heard me use profanity, (I was telling a dirty joke to some colleagues) and he lost it, I’m afraid.?Bend across the armrest of that sofa, Theresa Marie!? Lorne ordered angrily. I looked at him in horror, as did all the doctors, nurses and lawyer friends that I had. ?You know Pa doesn’t allow you to use sinful talk! Pull up your dress and pull down your panties. You’re getting the razor strop right now!?I was trembling. ?Lorne? I said in a carefully controlled voice, ?You can’t punish me like this in front of. ‘Break up the bar like a western movie hero?’ ‘Almost. My brother and I went out one night, and an old girlfriend of his grabbed him by the arm to walk him out the door of the bar, saying she was going to show him how much she’d learned since high school. Her boyfriend threw a punch at Frank, knocked him down and I ended the fight.’ ‘Uh oh, I guess that’s disturbing the peace, drunk and disorderly, damage to the bar, and about twenty other charges, if they can make them stick, huh?’ Howard looked up from cutting his next bite of venison steak, and asked, skeptically, ‘How do you know so much about things like that?’ ‘Remember the absentee father? He’s a cop. When I was fifteen, Mother decided I wasn’t manageable, so she sent me to live with him. I mean she threw my clothes in suitcases, drove me to his house, threw the suitcases in his yard, and said, ‘Here, it’s your turn.’ Then she drove off.’ ‘Nice,’ Howard said. ‘Not,’ Gail countered. ‘Whew, so did you write him a letter, too?’.
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